I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.