Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.