He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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