I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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