At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
