im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
