Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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