Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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