FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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