My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
