i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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