I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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