9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In America we eat man semen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
