Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Even my vagina gasped.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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