I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize