I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
