As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
