And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
