he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
