please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
