Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
