so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
