Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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