what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
