A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
