6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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