The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
