You really coming over, don't trick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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