The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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