The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
