8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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