My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
