Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
