is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
