So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
