well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
