ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
