I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
