If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i think my cat just said my name.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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