we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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