Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
