so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
