I am in a vortex of obligation.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
