I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
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bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM