Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...