Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.