Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch