My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
