That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
