dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im holly from the hills drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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