At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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