so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
