Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
