Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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