No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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