I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this just has baby written all over it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
