Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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