I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
