ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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