Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
