3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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