i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
