grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
