People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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