the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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