True but thats because hes a fetus.
nutella sex= disaster
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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