I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need moral support for this bender
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
