Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
