Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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