Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
