I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
