got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
