My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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