oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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