I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
