I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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