so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
