I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
