i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
