i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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